As an introduction, I hail my dear friends who, knowing me, must also know that twenty six shall appear first and foremost will be given as the greatest of all the numbers. I would like to explain to these my dear friends that I have undertaken this declaration, not because other numbers are encroaching upon the supremacy that is twenty six (that would be preposterous and absurd), but rather subsequent to an experience I had today, today being the twenty seventh of July of the year two thousand and twenty. I was clipping my nails, when I began (as I do often) to think about numbers. I thought of the number twenty seven, not even realizing until later that it was indeed the twenty seventh of the month, and I said in my heart “twenty seven is almost as good at twenty six.”
Almost (for I hear my friends gasping that a number could possibly compare with the grandeur that is twenty six), but not quite as good.
It hit me, then, that I am fond of many numbers outside of these two companions of the vicenarian age which I have mentioned above, and some for good and rational reasons. Although I am not partial to other numbers, some, similarly, for reasonable distaste. As there are many who are unaware of these most important and, oppositely, the most base of the numbers in our system of arithmos, I felt it was a pursuit of great import to declare comprehensively the full report, indeed, the summum bonum and the minimus magna of the numbers.
The first and most important numbers I will give ample explanation for. After you have read through the reasoning a few times, I trust you will have gained the intuition necessary for the rest. Therefore, the first four numbers are well defined, while the rest only require a sentence or two each. You will have gained the talent of identifying good numbers and why they are good.
The numbers are rated by stars. The more valuable the number, the more stars, from one (1) to ten (10) stars.
It has been argued that this type of work was what Moses intended to accomplish when he wrote the book of Numbers in the pentateuch. This, however, is untrue. He was inspired, and it was Moses’ work to do much greater things than prove to the world that which I attempt to prove in this piece. However, had the book of Numbers been about these kinds of numbers, it is possible this is what he would have written. I give it to the world to accept or deny what I say.
1: 26 ~ 26 Stars
For an individual to understand the primacy of place which twenty six holds in my view, they must understand some fundamental truths about numbers:
1: Twenty six is superior to all other numbers.
2: The most magnificent of all numbers is the number twenty six.
3: Twenty six, above all other numbers, is the most amiable by a wide margin (this is agreed among the majority of number scholars, and while some disagree they are of little credibility).
4: There are, besides twenty six, no numbers which are so glorious as to be given the first place among a list of numbers such as this.
5: It is agreed, by all who care as much as I do about the real value of numbers, that it is the best of them all and should be recognized as such.
26: In the opening of this declaration there are exactly twenty six words. So, you know. You didn’t catch that important detail did ya? Obviously, if this declaration--the only one of its kind--begins with an official opening of twenty six words, that has to be pretty important.
Besides these fundamental truths, there are many other reasons worthy of note which lend leadership to the number twenty six.
When I was quite young, I was being drawn by a cartoonist. In the picture he was drawing, I was dunking a basketball, and the artist asked me what my number should be on my jersey. Never having thought decisively about a favorite number prior to that point, I chose the first number which came to my head. It was providence that this, the greatest of all numbers, came to me in that moment, for I thenceforth found more and more evidence of its superiority.
When I was a little older, in the ninth grade, I realized that this grand number could be found in every month. I soon was at my work, making a sign to celebrate the twenty sixth of each and every month and remind others that on that day we all lived under the rule of twenty six, the best of the numbers. That year I hosted a party called ‘the twenty-sixth-day party’ at my home and we were merrier than I had been for a long time.
It was not until after these events and after I had shown my loyalty to this great number (it found its way into many passwords and PIN numbers which may or may not have been changed since) that it began to serve me also. The day I reported to serve a two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the twenty sixth of August, two thousand fifteen. I have had great days of great news or influence which fell upon the twenty sixth of certain months, and choosing only twenty six from numerically labeled objects has guided me to some great victories in bingo.
Besides these fruits, twenty six is also superior in its very DNA. Two is a phenomenal number. Companionships are mostly in twos, I have two siblings and two nephews, and I have two parents. In a presidency there are two counselors, and during Sunday meetings there are often two speakers. We have two hands, two eyes, two nostrils, and two kidneys. There are two of each type of finger, and the best way to eat Pringles is two at a time.
Six, on the other hand, is significant for what it often means. When you are six years old, you are two years away from the age of accountability. When you turn sixteen you can drive and take people on dates in twos. It is in chapter six of Second Nephi when we first hear from Jacob, one of the coolest prophets in the Book of Mormon, and after six days of work we rest--not after five days or after seven days--it is after six days that we rest from our labours.
Thus, put together, these singularly valuable numbers become a single united powerhouse of radness that supersedes all others. If you would like to celebrate the twenty sixth of the month with me, contact me at shando26@gmail.com and I will inform you of the appropriate festival rites and traditions for recognizing this great day we are privileged to celebrate twelve times a year.
This number may be self explanatory. It is agreed by most that in the most important works ever written, seven is symbolic of perfection and completion. It is the divine number and, to pagans, the magical number. In seven you have four, the strongest structural number, and three, symbolic of the holy Godhead.
Seven has been used in scripture often for divine workings (the seven days of creation and subsequent rest, the seven petitions of the Lord’s Prayer, the seven calls of Joshua’s trumpets before Jericho, etc.) and in numerous other non-religious works as a significantly mystical number which represents or does something special for the plot. If you don’t believe me you just haven’t read Harry Potter closely enough. Seven volumes, seven horcruxes, seven challenges before reaching the sorcerer’s stone. You get the picture.
Also, isn’t seven just nice? Seven. Seven. It feels good to say, does it not?
Oh yeah, and it’s a pretty lucky dice roll, too. If you haven’t played Settlers of Catan and been about ready to burn the robber in your oven surrounded by your least favorite vegetables because of how many times people keep rolling sevens and blocking you from getting the wheat you need to build cities and buy development cards, then I don’t know what planet you’re from but I want to join you on the return trip.
Alright, I’m pretty sure three is pretty important to most of you, so first I need to defend the fact that I’m only giving it nine stars while seven got ten.
First of all, in my rating system, nine is still a pretty high amount of stars. You’re gonna hear a lot of numbers with nine stars, and most of them I quite like. Now if you’re saying “yes, but three is symbolic and really special, so it deserves to be right up there with seven”, then I recognize your argument. I just reject it, and this is my reasoning:
Three, while it is the symbol of the Godhead and it is represented in countless other divine as well as secular instances, it is also used for numerous ill purposes as well. There are three witches in Macbeth, there are three fates (okay, that’s probably redundant), and there are three particular gods in Greek mythology who cause far more problems than they solve.
Now think about some of the things three means. A three hour movie (unless it’s one of the Lord of the Rings--the ONLY movies which can get by being three hours) is not a movie I am excited to sit through. I WILL have to use the bathroom, and that means I’m going to miss something. Or else watch in misery while I desperately hope there are no waterfall scenes. My father, who falls asleep within the first five minutes of any movie anyway will then be snoring for around an EXTRA HOUR LONGER (as compared with normal movies) that I will have to sit through.
And remember, the Minnow was set out for how long of a tour before they were stranded on an island alone with Mr. and Mrs. Howell for an indefinite amount of time? You see my point.
Now there’s obviously a brighter side to the number three. Aside from what good has already been stated about the number, there is certainly far more. Councils in the church are made up by threes, there are the three lives of mankind: premortal, mortal, and antemortal, and you can gather ancient scripture into three witnesses: the old, the new, and the additional testaments of the Redeemer of the world.
Three is a powerful number. The triforce celebrates this, as do triangles in general. And aren’t triangles cool? I like triangles a lot. Sharky is a triangle which helps me do math. The triforce is a triangle which helps me defeat Ganondorf. Very useful, triangles.
So, while three is worth great (even very great) respect, it just doesn’t quite have it all. Three could potentially mean I’d get eaten by that wretched stuffed spider thing in Gilligan’s Island, so it just can’t have a five star rating. If it helps, it still gets a high four, like a 9.9 at least.
This number is the biggest number we can notate before we get infinity. It looks like this:
Isn’t that nice? It’s got four zeros and three ones. Guess what?! THAT MAKES SEVEN. Therefore, this number is superior to most others, not only for its sheer greatness in numerical value, but also because in its very makeup it nods to seven.
Aside from this, there is legend held by some that Google, the web browser, was originally intended to be called Googol instead. It is believed that Google was named thus by mistake because the man in charge of typing the name on the website didn’t know how to spell Googol. So it then became Google, the most influential web browser of all time, named incorrectly after a large and iconic number.
And that’s just a fun story. Nine stars, for sheer greatness and humor.
Sixty five million years ago I could have potentially seen a T Rex. I would have been eaten if I did, of course. Probably worth it.
If you put two of these and then the only ten star number of this declaration, you get one of the coolest soundtracks in spy movie history.
Seven. Six. Lots of trombones. What more could you want?
Cornets are not as good as trombones, but there are a hundred and ten of them and they are brass instruments so this number is worth some merit.
Michael Jordan.
John Stockton. Also Apostles. And months in the year.
Karl Malone. Jimmer Fredette. Basketball is a great sport.
If you see this many red balloons floating in the sky during the Summer, hide in a bunker and wait for the war to end. While you’re in there, listen to some Nena.
This is a terrible number. Obvious reasons.
If any of you had the same television provider that I had growing up in the 2000s, you know that this was the channel Nickelodeon. Hours and days of goodness came from this number.
For all accomplished science fiction nerds, you know that this is the answer. Also there are forty two principles to teach in chapter three of Preach My Gospel. Just sayin.
Half of forty two. Significant because it is almost the answer to li__, the univ____, and every_____.
This is the age at which you get to use magic without being detected by the Ministry! Only five stars because this age did nothing for Harry Potter except to make it easier for the deatheaters to find him. Pretty lame, seventeen. Pretty lame.
Spartans are better than Mandalorians. They had poetry about the glory of battle and their mothers told their sons to come home honorably or not at all. Beat that, Mando.
We are now reaching some less than ideal numbers. One, while representative of some very good things (like unity and single purpose of heart and mind), is generally sad when you see it. When I see that the character in my RPG can only perform one of my favorite moves one more time until he runs out of manna, I am saddened. When I am the only one who can tell a perfect Dr. Who joke because nobody else around me has seen the shows, I weep.
Indeed, as Three Dog Night preached long ago, “one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do”.
Also the XBox One was not backwards compatible. Why would you do that to us, Bill?
I can never remember the multiples of this number. Is it 8 times 7? 4 times 9? I know that 9 should be in there somewhere because 5 plus 4 equals nine, but, wait, we’re not even doing addition so that can’t be right. Gotta be 8 times 7. Yeah that’s the one. Where’s my calculator?
One hundred is just not quite there. If you have to spend one hundred dollars, it’s too much out of the pocket. If you earn one hundred dollars, it’s barely anything at all. You just don’t quite make it, one hundred.
This number used to be okay. Then it became a lame song reference. Thanks, Taylor.
This number in time form (2:30) is the right time to go to the dentist. I dislike going to the dentist and I dislike all the reasons it would ever be time to go to the dentist. One star.
A starfish in boat driving school ruined this number.
A yellow sponge under the sea ruined this number.
Seeing as we have reached, serially, the number of utmost importance (in other words, we’re now on number twenty six of this list), it is important not to taint this selection with a bad number. This is also the final number to report, and I would like to leave you with a positive one. The haiku.
Haikus are quite fun.
Though sometimes, they don’t make sense.
Refrigerator.
When I was quite young, I was being drawn by a cartoonist. In the picture he was drawing, I was dunking a basketball, and the artist asked me what my number should be on my jersey. Never having thought decisively about a favorite number prior to that point, I chose the first number which came to my head. It was providence that this, the greatest of all numbers, came to me in that moment, for I thenceforth found more and more evidence of its superiority.
When I was a little older, in the ninth grade, I realized that this grand number could be found in every month. I soon was at my work, making a sign to celebrate the twenty sixth of each and every month and remind others that on that day we all lived under the rule of twenty six, the best of the numbers. That year I hosted a party called ‘the twenty-sixth-day party’ at my home and we were merrier than I had been for a long time.
It was not until after these events and after I had shown my loyalty to this great number (it found its way into many passwords and PIN numbers which may or may not have been changed since) that it began to serve me also. The day I reported to serve a two year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the twenty sixth of August, two thousand fifteen. I have had great days of great news or influence which fell upon the twenty sixth of certain months, and choosing only twenty six from numerically labeled objects has guided me to some great victories in bingo.
Besides these fruits, twenty six is also superior in its very DNA. Two is a phenomenal number. Companionships are mostly in twos, I have two siblings and two nephews, and I have two parents. In a presidency there are two counselors, and during Sunday meetings there are often two speakers. We have two hands, two eyes, two nostrils, and two kidneys. There are two of each type of finger, and the best way to eat Pringles is two at a time.
Six, on the other hand, is significant for what it often means. When you are six years old, you are two years away from the age of accountability. When you turn sixteen you can drive and take people on dates in twos. It is in chapter six of Second Nephi when we first hear from Jacob, one of the coolest prophets in the Book of Mormon, and after six days of work we rest--not after five days or after seven days--it is after six days that we rest from our labours.
Thus, put together, these singularly valuable numbers become a single united powerhouse of radness that supersedes all others. If you would like to celebrate the twenty sixth of the month with me, contact me at shando26@gmail.com and I will inform you of the appropriate festival rites and traditions for recognizing this great day we are privileged to celebrate twelve times a year.
2: 7 ~ 10 Stars
This number may be self explanatory. It is agreed by most that in the most important works ever written, seven is symbolic of perfection and completion. It is the divine number and, to pagans, the magical number. In seven you have four, the strongest structural number, and three, symbolic of the holy Godhead.
Seven has been used in scripture often for divine workings (the seven days of creation and subsequent rest, the seven petitions of the Lord’s Prayer, the seven calls of Joshua’s trumpets before Jericho, etc.) and in numerous other non-religious works as a significantly mystical number which represents or does something special for the plot. If you don’t believe me you just haven’t read Harry Potter closely enough. Seven volumes, seven horcruxes, seven challenges before reaching the sorcerer’s stone. You get the picture.
Also, isn’t seven just nice? Seven. Seven. It feels good to say, does it not?
Oh yeah, and it’s a pretty lucky dice roll, too. If you haven’t played Settlers of Catan and been about ready to burn the robber in your oven surrounded by your least favorite vegetables because of how many times people keep rolling sevens and blocking you from getting the wheat you need to build cities and buy development cards, then I don’t know what planet you’re from but I want to join you on the return trip.
3: 3 ~ 9 Stars
Alright, I’m pretty sure three is pretty important to most of you, so first I need to defend the fact that I’m only giving it nine stars while seven got ten.
First of all, in my rating system, nine is still a pretty high amount of stars. You’re gonna hear a lot of numbers with nine stars, and most of them I quite like. Now if you’re saying “yes, but three is symbolic and really special, so it deserves to be right up there with seven”, then I recognize your argument. I just reject it, and this is my reasoning:
Three, while it is the symbol of the Godhead and it is represented in countless other divine as well as secular instances, it is also used for numerous ill purposes as well. There are three witches in Macbeth, there are three fates (okay, that’s probably redundant), and there are three particular gods in Greek mythology who cause far more problems than they solve.
Now think about some of the things three means. A three hour movie (unless it’s one of the Lord of the Rings--the ONLY movies which can get by being three hours) is not a movie I am excited to sit through. I WILL have to use the bathroom, and that means I’m going to miss something. Or else watch in misery while I desperately hope there are no waterfall scenes. My father, who falls asleep within the first five minutes of any movie anyway will then be snoring for around an EXTRA HOUR LONGER (as compared with normal movies) that I will have to sit through.
And remember, the Minnow was set out for how long of a tour before they were stranded on an island alone with Mr. and Mrs. Howell for an indefinite amount of time? You see my point.
Now there’s obviously a brighter side to the number three. Aside from what good has already been stated about the number, there is certainly far more. Councils in the church are made up by threes, there are the three lives of mankind: premortal, mortal, and antemortal, and you can gather ancient scripture into three witnesses: the old, the new, and the additional testaments of the Redeemer of the world.
Three is a powerful number. The triforce celebrates this, as do triangles in general. And aren’t triangles cool? I like triangles a lot. Sharky is a triangle which helps me do math. The triforce is a triangle which helps me defeat Ganondorf. Very useful, triangles.
So, while three is worth great (even very great) respect, it just doesn’t quite have it all. Three could potentially mean I’d get eaten by that wretched stuffed spider thing in Gilligan’s Island, so it just can’t have a five star rating. If it helps, it still gets a high four, like a 9.9 at least.
4: Googolplex ~ 9 Stars
This number is the biggest number we can notate before we get infinity. It looks like this:
Aside from this, there is legend held by some that Google, the web browser, was originally intended to be called Googol instead. It is believed that Google was named thus by mistake because the man in charge of typing the name on the website didn’t know how to spell Googol. So it then became Google, the most influential web browser of all time, named incorrectly after a large and iconic number.
And that’s just a fun story. Nine stars, for sheer greatness and humor.
5: 65,000,000 ~ 8 Stars
Sixty five million years ago I could have potentially seen a T Rex. I would have been eaten if I did, of course. Probably worth it.
6: 0 ~ 7 Stars
If you put two of these and then the only ten star number of this declaration, you get one of the coolest soundtracks in spy movie history.
7: 76 ~ 7 Stars
Seven. Six. Lots of trombones. What more could you want?
8: 110 ~ 6 Stars
Cornets are not as good as trombones, but there are a hundred and ten of them and they are brass instruments so this number is worth some merit.
9: 23 ~ 7 Stars
Michael Jordan.
10: 12 ~ 7 Stars
John Stockton. Also Apostles. And months in the year.
11: 32 ~ 7 Stars
12: 99 ~ 8 Stars
If you see this many red balloons floating in the sky during the Summer, hide in a bunker and wait for the war to end. While you’re in there, listen to some Nena.
13: 13 ~ Negative a lot of Stars
This is a terrible number. Obvious reasons.
14: 78 ~ 6 Stars
If any of you had the same television provider that I had growing up in the 2000s, you know that this was the channel Nickelodeon. Hours and days of goodness came from this number.
15: 42 ~ The Correct Amount of Stars
For all accomplished science fiction nerds, you know that this is the answer. Also there are forty two principles to teach in chapter three of Preach My Gospel. Just sayin.
16: 21 ~ Half of the Correct Amount of Stars
Half of forty two. Significant because it is almost the answer to li__, the univ____, and every_____.
17: 17 ~ 5 Stars
This is the age at which you get to use magic without being detected by the Ministry! Only five stars because this age did nothing for Harry Potter except to make it easier for the deatheaters to find him. Pretty lame, seventeen. Pretty lame.
18: 300 ~ 6 Stars
Spartans are better than Mandalorians. They had poetry about the glory of battle and their mothers told their sons to come home honorably or not at all. Beat that, Mando.
19: 1 ~ 3 Stars
We are now reaching some less than ideal numbers. One, while representative of some very good things (like unity and single purpose of heart and mind), is generally sad when you see it. When I see that the character in my RPG can only perform one of my favorite moves one more time until he runs out of manna, I am saddened. When I am the only one who can tell a perfect Dr. Who joke because nobody else around me has seen the shows, I weep.
Indeed, as Three Dog Night preached long ago, “one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do”.
Also the XBox One was not backwards compatible. Why would you do that to us, Bill?
20: 54 ~ 2 Stars
I can never remember the multiples of this number. Is it 8 times 7? 4 times 9? I know that 9 should be in there somewhere because 5 plus 4 equals nine, but, wait, we’re not even doing addition so that can’t be right. Gotta be 8 times 7. Yeah that’s the one. Where’s my calculator?
21: 100 ~ 2 Stars
One hundred is just not quite there. If you have to spend one hundred dollars, it’s too much out of the pocket. If you earn one hundred dollars, it’s barely anything at all. You just don’t quite make it, one hundred.
22: 22 ~ 2 Stars
This number used to be okay. Then it became a lame song reference. Thanks, Taylor.
23: 230 ~ 1 Star
This number in time form (2:30) is the right time to go to the dentist. I dislike going to the dentist and I dislike all the reasons it would ever be time to go to the dentist. One star.
24: 24 ~ 1 Star
A starfish in boat driving school ruined this number.
25: 25 ~ 1 Star
A yellow sponge under the sea ruined this number.
26: 575 ~ 9 Stars
Seeing as we have reached, serially, the number of utmost importance (in other words, we’re now on number twenty six of this list), it is important not to taint this selection with a bad number. This is also the final number to report, and I would like to leave you with a positive one. The haiku.
Haikus are quite fun.
Though sometimes, they don’t make sense.
Refrigerator.
-Riley Lewis
--------------------------
My dear reader, friend, and newest number sleuth, thank you for taking the time to learn the truth about the numbers. May this knowledge bless you in your goings forth, that whenever you see a twenty six your day might be better, that whenever you get on Google you may chuckle, and that eventually you will understand what five hundred seventy five has to do with a refrigerator.
Sincerely looking for cool numbers everywhere,
SML
--------------------------
My dear reader, friend, and newest number sleuth, thank you for taking the time to learn the truth about the numbers. May this knowledge bless you in your goings forth, that whenever you see a twenty six your day might be better, that whenever you get on Google you may chuckle, and that eventually you will understand what five hundred seventy five has to do with a refrigerator.
Sincerely looking for cool numbers everywhere,
SML
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