“Do you think that He likes the meat cooked this way?”
“I guess so. I mean, dad said to cook it this way, so I imagine it’s what He wants.”
“I don’t know… I don’t like lamb this way. I think it would taste better cut into strips and cooked only so much that it doesn’t make me sick. You know, like mom cooks it.”
“Well, dad seems to be a little more strict on these kinds of things in all honesty, I think that he knows what he’s doing.”
“Jared, seriously, dad is so… boring. He doesn’t seem to ever think for himself. He’s always thinking about the ‘rules’.”
“You mean the commandments?”
“Yeah. That word just sounds so harsh.”
“It’s just because They want us to be safe, Shazer. Dad follows the commandments because he doesn’t trust himself, and frankly we shouldn’t trust ourselves either.”
“You sure he’s not just afraid? Like, I don’t know about this whole revelation thing.”
“You’re saying... “
“Not like he’s dumb or anything! It’s obvious he cares about us, and he’s definitely found things that work… I mean, when he showed us how you could take some skins and make them into clothes--that’s cool! I just have a hard time with the whole… You know… ‘He learned it from God’ thing.”
“You don’t think dad can talk with God!”
“No, it’s not like that! I mean, I’m not saying it couldn’t happen… I just have a hard time believing in mysterious random appearances of people that only he can see.”
“Shazer, are you saying you don’t even believe that he ever saw God?”
“I don’t know. All I’m saying is I just really don’t like the meat this way, and it doesn’t make any sense why we would offer it to somebody all burned and ruined. And building all the altars is tedious, and praying to someone I’ve never met is awkward. It seems like everything dad comes up with is just another chore that doesn’t make any sense!”
“...”
“Sorry, Jared. I know you really look up to dad and the commandments and stuff. It’s just I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about how I’m feeling.”
“You could go talk to Cain. He’s always mad about what dad says.”
“You know I don’t like Cain! I’m not like him! He’s all bitter and stuff. For me, it’s just that I don’t understand.”
“Yeah, and I really shouldn’t have referred you to him anyway… I’m really sorry about that. I was feeling a little offended, but you didn’t do anything wrong… It just got me to thinking about what Cain says about dad, and whenever I think about that it bugs me.”
“I know… I kinda sound like him sometimes don’t I… I really don’t wanna be like him, Jared! You and Abel are so nice and happy and good all the time, but some of the things Cain says kinda make sense to me, and it’s kinda scary when I start to think like him…”
“I haven’t noticed you say anything like him until today. I guess though if you’ve been having these thoughts for awhile you might feel like him.”
“Yeah.” … “Jared, why do you like all the stuff dad says so much? Why do you do it without questioning it? How do you just love it so much?”
“Well… One time I didn’t offer up my sacrifice like dad said to. I had just gotten mad at mom for something and I didn’t want to be around everyone. I went off into the wilderness to find a dog or something, and…”
“What happened?”
“I just felt so… bad. I thought about mom, and I thought about how it must be hard for her to explain the situation to dad, and how dad must have felt when he heard that I was avoiding the sacrifice. It seemed to get really dark, and I got really scared. I forgot all about dogs and all I could think of was getting to an altar to pray. I couldn’t find anything so I just went to a big rock and cried--I tried to pretend I was offering a sacrifice… I mean, I knew I couldn’t fool God into thinking I had one, but I didn’t know the words to say like dad does, so I tried to just send anything I could from inside up to Him. It felt like my very heart was flooding up to heaven.”
“And then?”
“All of a sudden I felt better. It got brighter, and it felt like the flood from my heart to heaven was filled with warm waters which spread through my whole chest. My tears started to feel like sweet tears, and my sobs became grateful ones instead of scared ones. It felt like everything was suddenly okay, kinda like how it feels when mom and dad hold you to make sure your nightmare goes away, only better.”
“So now you don’t take chances?”
“Right, at least I don’t try to. And you know, I don’t think any of that would have ever happened if I didn’t love dad first. I trusted him enough to know that God wasn’t going to hurt me. Cain always talks about God like He’s a terrible tyrant, but when that happened for me in the wilderness, I didn’t have that feeling. I went to God because I trusted Him to protect me and love me, like dad says He does. I found that it’s true. God wants to help us, just like mom and dad did when we had nightmares as little ones. So I don’t worry when I don’t know the meaning of all the commandments, because at least I know they come from a loving God. You know what I’m saying?”
“I think so.”
“That was a long story for your question. I hope I didn’t bore your ears off.”
“No, no! It’s just making me think a lot.”
“I think everything's ready for the offering, are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, I… I think so.”
“Sounds good, I’ll go let dad know.”
“Jared?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not worried about burnt meat anymore.”
“I’m glad, Shazer! Maybe you’ll never have to be worried about things like that again.”
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